Easter

I feel sort of like heathen saying this, but I am not really in an Easter-ish mood. I don't mean egg hunts and bunny rabbits and all the secular stuff. I mean the real Easter. Usually, I feel contemplative, and am excited (not really the right word, but can't come up with a better one) to go to church on Easter. This year, I forgot about Maundy Thursday and Good Friday (for the most part), don't feel like going to church...it's bad, I know. I feel so disconnected from my faith right now...I wish that there was just some magic button that would fix it. There's so many little things that could be contributing to my disconnect...a few big ones too. I feel alienated in church (not that people are purposely doing anything to make me feel that way...it's living further away, not always attending, and lots of other things). I've had a rough 6-7 months and am angry with God about it, and just cannot seem to let go of the anger. Now, I'm not saying this to say anyone should shower me with niceties and whatnot at church (in fact, I'd be annoyed because it wouldn't seem genuine), or to make anyone feel bad...Just because it's something I feel guilty about and need to work through myself (I'm trying, I really am). So there you have it...why I feel like a terrible Christian this Easter, and why I hope you'll forgive me for it.